It certainly had some relations to needs of family but following getting KCAW established I was able to move dreams to the translator network and building that and then to APRN development, including raising money for National Native News. I was able to accommodate big dreams within KCAW. I suspect that if there had not been the financial crisis of 1986 I may have left Raven Radio sooner. Managing the cuts and rebuilding made the job more interesting than just maintaining the station would have.

The Fall of the Berlin wall changed all that. I realized that I had to be part of the transition. Dreams changed. That’s one reason why we pulled you out of your Junior Year in High School to go to Albania (and before that to Vladivostok for shorter visits.) Although we tried to make sure that Albania would work for you. I think it did.

Studies show that elderly people, they are much happier as elders than they were when younger because they have proven themselves, accomplished their dreams (or surrendered them) and can pursue their happiness. I don’t feel that yet although it could come.

I’ve had a couple of thoughts in response, just no time to jot them down.

First and foremost, you and Mom met in College, and have shared the work of realizing dreams together. Second, the dreams you have been working towards are things that have tended to build a strong and supportive community around you. They have involved travel, but they have involved working in places long enough to build relationships and temporarily lay down roots. We are social creatures, a good root structure promotes happiness.

Finally, while Brian and I were growing up, you and Mom chose a more stable position than is normal for you. Perhaps without making an active choice about dreams, responsibility or happiness (perhaps with), you arranged your dreams in such a way that it promoted a community upbringing for Brian and I (a choice for which I am very grateful). I can’t say if it is because the dream of KCAW was significantly more compelling than your other dreams, but I would guess that it had a lot to do with electing to follow the needs of your family.

As I get older, however, I find living in the present has its advantages. I think the new catch phrase is “Mindfulness.” When I look at the dreams that I still have, and look at the amount of time that it has taken me to realize those past dreams, I wonder if I have the time left to complete my new dreams and, if I do, if I will have the stamina or mental acuity to follow them through to the end. But if I don’t have long term dreams, I am not happy. I just have to adjust them to my current abilities. If they are dreams only of retirement travel, grandkids and other elderly things, I think I would become very depressed; even as I love retirement travel and grandkids.

I don’t like looking backwards, except as it reflects in my storytelling or radio shows. But sometimes looking back can be rewarding, like when someone you trained (or your own kid) does something fantastic. Just this week the Blandin Foundation in Grand Rapids, Minnesota printed a case study of KAXE, a community radio station that Suzi and I started. It gave me a great deal of satisfaction. However the future is so exciting with technological challenges (some for the better, some for the worst) I need to incorporate that future into my dreams. I think it helps that I am working with fantastic young people and I can incorporate helping them realize their dreams for a better country, world, society, whatever, into my own dreams.

I think happiness is a combination of living for dreams and living in the present. Both were very much a part of my life when you were growing up, and I enjoyed that time with you, and it still enjoy the present as I am involved with community and my marriage. But without some big dream in the future that I can work towards, I am not sure I can find happiness.